


God Damn Feelings

by Ar23n1c



Category: American Gods (TV), American Gods - Neil Gaiman
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feelings, One Shot, Oral Sex, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 10:39:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ar23n1c/pseuds/Ar23n1c
Summary: Well, the world didn't end.  And Sweeney had everything he wanted.  He could finally move on from that shit storm of a life he had been dealing with.  But he still felt like something was wrong.  Something like, loneliness.  Forget that flowery shit!





	God Damn Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot I couldn't get out of my head after season 2 episode 3. Cause honestly, this pair makes more sense than anything to me in the show. Though I have the books tagged, it is loosely based on the end of the books since the show is still going.

Everything was as it should be. Mad Sweeney had his lucky coin back and his days of being an incessant punching bag for the world was at an end. The fucking dumbass shit of the Gods he got dragged into was finally over. Wednesday- gone. Shadow, out discovering what he wanted to do with his "light", whatever the fuck that meant. He's a God damn Demi God, just enjoy it till you die. And the dead wife was all princessed back to before she became a rotting pumpkin at midnight, doing whatever the hell she wanted. Who fucking knew. No one gave a shit when he just turned around and left at the basic "end of the world", he just didn't care anymore. Hell, he was surprised as any when he woke one day and things went his way. Took him a bit but he found the damn coin in his arse pocket. Damn she devil must have put it there, little pick pocketing wench.

Tonight, he was laying in the comfiest bed this road side shit show could offer and felt utterly relaxed, and he nuzzled his head into the pillow, hands behind his head. Why shouldn't he be, everything was his way...his way.

"Fuck this", he got up, throwing his shirt across the room as he headed to the bathroom to shower and get this damn uncomfortable feeling off his skin.

He wasn't 3 steps from the bed to the bathroom when a pounding came to his door. He tilted his head back and looked to the ceiling, "Oh for christ's sake!". He grunted and turned to the door. Marching he yelled, "Ya better not be here for no favors or I'll knock your bloody cock off...your..." he opened the door to find dead wife, fresh as a fucking daisy, at the door.

For just a moment she looked like a right shy wee fae girl, but her eyes fluttered and she shook her hair back, pushing past him into his room. 

"I still can't feel anything." She said as she flopped on the bed. He stood at the door and huffed, the door half closed, but his grip hard with annoyance and...something else. Again his skin felt, wrong, tingly?

"Sureee, come on in! Nice to see ya, greetings, niceties, blah blah... anything but that bitchiness!" He finally close the door with an over the top slam to emphasize how unpleasant her presence was. Sweeney walked to the dresser and leaned against it. Staring down at the once zombie version returned to full on Disney Cinderella queen cunt in front of him. "I know you've never cared for kindness or politeness or morality but now that I dont need ya and you dont need me, why the fuck are you here?".

She groaned like teenage wench whose boyfriend broke up with her and didn't get her way. I mean, she and Shadow ended their fucked up fairy tale, so maybe he was gonna get his ear talked off about stupid drama of hers. Oh God, he might shove his coin back down her throat just to make it stop.

She sat up, and for the first time since she rudely pushed her way in, he saw he eyes glazed over.

"Fuck! Are you dead again? What's wrong with your eyes!?" She laughed a harsh, sarcastic sound and a tear went down her cheek. Dead can't cry. So it's worse. She had actual feelings.

"Shit. Just, just talk to me." He crossed his arms and leaned towards her. It took a few heart beats but she finally sighed before speaking. "Fuck. Okay, so....I thought, that Shadow was the only thing that could make me feel after I died, right? So I searched for him, thinking it was love. But I just wanted to feel. And now, I have a 2nd life. A clean fucking slate. But all I want is to feel a God damn thing for myself. I don't wanna be a puppy, manipulated and reaching for that damn desire my whole life. I was no different before than I am now. Only thing I have is residual strength that I could probably use to RIP a man's dick off but not enough to lift a car, so....there's that. Damn it all! Everyone got something from this shitty trip but all I got-"

"Was an entire 2nd chance." Sweeney finished for her. She closed her mouth and rolled her eyes as she flopped to the mattress again.

This time, he laid next to her, for quite some time without a word between them. She was human. And she lived and died and can live and die again. More than most, but for her, she would rather be a rotting corpse than this pretty face that should be something more than she was. He knew it, the way she felt around others was more natural when people were disgusted with her because her outsides finally matched what she felt inside.

"What do you want?" He asked her.

"Ha-have you not been listening!?" She sat up on her elbows. "I want to feel you dipshit!"

He didn't react as he felt her anger rising, just looked her and shrugged, "that's a pretty broad statement. Instead of just searching blindly this time, you could...ya know, try to figure it out. What makes you feel?"

She looked at him annoyed and stood up before pacing from the door to the bathroom sink and back, over and over. He sat up and lit his cigarette just watching her. Her newly undead self was stunning, and reminded him more of Essie, but it wasn't what he was seeing. Within her, she had this fire but she didn't know how to keep it burning. So she threw hate, and rage, and anger at it to try and keep it going.

She stopped and turned to look at him. They looked at each other, and they were opposite faces. Laura looked as if the light went off, that's dandy... sure, but she also looked like she wanted to kill him. He was confused whether to run or fight. All at once she ran at him and climbed on top his lap, both hands gripping the sides of his face as she kissed him so hard his teeth hurt. It was, surprising and exciting, and he was falling fast into his desires but reason, fucking reason, came in and lit his brain with a neon "WRONG" sign. He grabbed both her wrists in one hand and pressed them to her chest, while gently pulling her from his groin to his knees to sit further away from his dick before it woke up and noticed what was happening. Such a small, frail, but beastly thing she was.

"Lass, not that I wouldn't want to fuck a dead wife-"

"Dont call me that." She said, so sternly but softly.

He let a few moments pass, and waited till her eyes looked at him again. "Laura. What is in your head? I'm trying to actually help you. And a wild fuck isn't gonna fix your heart."

"No! No, it will! I felt alive most when I was dead and when we were fighting and our lives were in jeopardy, or when we fought. I felt it, rage, frustration, determination. I felt!" She leaned in and tried to kiss him, her hands still in his, but he leaned away.

"I know I'm an asshole. But I've been here for a long time. I've watched your kind for centuries and you're a complicated species. And you are always trying to boil it all down. Make it manageable. But it ain't like that. And if I learned anything from this God damn catastrophe of a war, the feeling your searching for is not that. Its temporary, and won't feed your soul. You can't live on raw hatred, you need love dear."

She stared at him and pulled her hands away, taking a step away. He knew she didn't handle feelings well, at least not the good ones. He waited for a slap, a punch, a scream, something but she simply turned to him and said "If the kindest man in the world could love me and I feel nothing back, then what does that make me?"

"A person? Being loved is not being in love, my dear. Just cause everyone says that this person is good for you doesn't mean you feel it too. Love is stupid and messy and illogical as fuck."

"Have you ever been in love?"

He hesitated as she sat beside him but smacked his knees as he said "Essie." 

"Was she a leprechaun too?"

He laughed at that. "She was a human girl. I watched her grow, and saw her fall in love and make mistakes, but she was always true to herself. Her life was quite a story, and she a mischievous one. You two...would have got along just fine." She smiled, like a genuinely God damn smile and giggled. But he continued "I never told her but she knew. She, for her life and for lifetimes after, her memory made me feel love."

Again, silence. He hadn't really ever told anyone ever about Essie. She was his precious secret he coveted. But he wanted to help her, he had done nothing since meeting her to help a damn soul, hell he was the reason she died in the first place, and he was tired of it. He owed her this. He didn't want to keep living in motels and fighting in bars and testing his luck. That life was no longer for the likes if him.

"Could...could you try showing me?"

His head snapped up and he looked at her. She was sincere, no manipulation or malicious intent in her face. This weren't no con. "You want me to show you love?"

"I know, you can't just have someone pretend it, it wont be real, but maybe if I see what it's like to be loved by someone  
..."

"You were loved dear. You have to let yourself love."

She looked at the floor, her toes twining together, and her feet swung just above the floor. Delicate with her walls down. And she was, she was letting all her walls down as she said "I looked for you. When everything went down, I came looking for you. Shadow and I hadn't even agreed to go our own ways yet, but I knew I didn't care about it. I just wanted to be alive, or so I thought, but then I was alive and my first thought was to get your fucking coin back to you. So I went to every shitty motel between where I saw you last to where we met because, where the fuck else would I start. But low and behold, that lucky coin sure does have a way of taking you where you wanna go when it's not fueling a corpse instead. I found you, drunk, bar fighting, and looking like a leprechaun on saint paddy's day. I thought, I'm being selfish again, being here. All I ever bring with me is pain and distrust and- and I'm just no good for anyone. And I didn't- I was never gonna do that to you again. I just slipped the coin in your pants pocket and left. I didn't know where to go, and I just kept going until I found myself here. No light to guide me but more like an ache. I didn't want to bring more trouble than I already am but I also just wanted to talk, see you, be...around you. I dunno, it's stupid. But I think this is the closest thing I've ever felt to caring about someone that's not me."

Sweeney sat there aghast, she had actually talked...about feelings....her feelings. Not a scream or a cry, but just a purge of emotions. He doubted she'd done this before or last time she did it created those steel walls that she had finally chose to take down. What he did next, could make or break her 2nd life. 

He brushed the hair from her face and pulled it behind her ear as he leaned in against her neck and breathed small gentle kisses from her ear to shoulder. A small breathe escaped her lips like the tension of the moment being released and he felt her shiver beneath his fingertips as he ran his hand down her spin. Her dress had an exposed back making it easy for his hand to slip around her waist and pull her closer to him. His other hand under her chin, he tilted her face to his. Her eyes were closed, but for fear or ecstasy, he couldn't tell, and he needed to know.

"Please, look at me," and there he saw in her darting eyes that look of searching. She was scared, she had spoken truer words than ever in her life, and she was still unsure of what it meant and that terrified her. "You, my lass, have made me feel invincible. And only because of you can I say, I care about you too, asshole".

She smiled and a tear ran down her face as she laughed and said "Cunt".

He smiled as his lips touch hers again and she became less timid, and more alive with each touch. His hand wondered along her side and up her thighs, under her dress. Feeling each curve till his hand enveloped her small and perky breast and she shook from it.  
He pulled away.

"Are-is this- I thought.."

She stood up and took her dress off and stood in front of him naked. "Your hands were just cold." He leaned back and looked her over. She was like a doll who had been drawn on. Perfect portions, dainty, but each cut, scar and bullet hole looked like shadows on her skin. Not scars but shadows. He leaned forward and kissed each one. Her standing, was the same as him sitting on this bed. His hunger began to stir and when he began to kiss her thighs, he felt her touch his head, gently, but for support. He was so determined to kiss every inch, he hadn't noticed that she was getting wet and her knees were giving out. This time, he knew, her eyes were closed with the effort to focus on standing. She didn't need that.

In one arm, he scooped her up and laid her on the bed. Before she knew it, his mouth was back on hers, touching every inch he could. His dick throbbed in his pants and finally submitted to taking them off. He tried to do it with just his hand so he didn't have to stop kissing her, but she gently yet firmly pushed him to his knees. She sat up and helped him unbuckle his damn belt and freed him from what felt like a brick wall holding him back. He sighed with relief his head tilted back for just a moment. But that was all she needed. He felt her cold, wet kisses along the tip and shuddered. She was so gentle, not at all like the person who had thrown him through walls...and doors... and other things. Oh who fucking cares. She took him into her mouth with such ease, her tongue swirling around, sending him into a daze of bliss. He could feel that she wasn't doing this to please him but to show him that he was wanted, she cared, to be the opposite of what he had known about her.

She finally let up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and he couldn't help but push her back down and pin her to the bed, hands above her head. He looked at her body stretched out in front of him, beautiful. But that look in her eyes, it wasn't rage, it was a hunger that matched his own. He growled into her neck, biting tiny little mark's down her collar bone and across the top of her breast, each one eliciting a gasp from her small lips, marking her back arch closer and closer to his mouth. But when he got to her nipples, he stopped and blew on them instead. The sound she made was somewhere between a growl of frustration and a tinge of joy at the sensation. Her need was like a fragrance of perfumes that he breathed in. Everything, every small wee touch made her react. His hands roamed low to feel her wet, ready pussy when it occured to him.

"Shit! Your a virgin!"

"The fuck did you just say?" She sat up on her elbows and stared at him, their eyes meeting, his fingers barely inside her.

A slow devious smile grew on his lips. "Oh lassie, when they healed you up and made you brand new, they made you all brand new!" 

"Well, don't get so damn excited about it you God damn marshmallow huffing asshole!" Laura said with a smile on her lips and giggling over each word. 

"Oh this is gonna be fun, never had a tight new pussy to play with and a woman who has skill to make it worth while." 

She used her extra strength to flip him over, like a bird attacking a cat. He would never get used to that. "Then stop talking and start doing." And in one swift movement she had the tip of his dick inside her, slowly, slowly lowering herself on. Every impulse in him want to grab her hips and pull her down hard, but the face, God her face when she swallowed every piece of him inside her, he would hold back for even one more second of that face. And he was right, she was tight, each muscle throbbed inside her against him and he felt their longing for more.

His hands softly moved from her knees, each touch leaving goose bumps in the path of his fingers on her skin. Her delight set fire to her, that fire was burning brighter than ever and she began to move more wildly, using him to find her own pleasure, caught in the moment of finding that bliss, and he was close to joining her. He sat up and buried his face in her chest a hand behind him and one on her breast as she held onto his head and pulled, forcing his face to look at her own as she kissed him, moaning into his mouth and each moment a rising crescendo. She rode him, wild and desperate and joyful, bringing them both closer and closer until she screamed out with pleasure and he filled her to the brim.

She collapsed, her body weak and shaking, against him. He held her to his chest, both soaked in sweat and breathing heavily. Pretty sure they both nodded off for a few seconds before they finally rolled over and unvelcroed from one another.

He turned to her to see her face staring back at his. A lovely fucking sight. That fire was alive and burning inside her and you could see it, she was alive.

"You might wanna clean up love, I'm sure you wont enjoy cum running down your thighs".

She turned over on her elbow and replied "I'm dirty, I've been a corpse. I might be feeling love for the first time, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna still like the dripping sticky feeling between my legs."

He shot up. "Well holy fuck, did you just say you love me!?"

"Shut your fucking ginger pussy looking mouth! I said I was feeling love."

"Yes, and I am here and your feeling the love, so it's me you love."

She grinned, got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. "Maybe it's just your cock!"

Sweeney smiled, "I'll take it."


End file.
